04.29.12
Our Latest Trip to California…
It wasn’t under the best circumstances, unfortunately…
My grandma, most of you know her as “Nonee”, had been sick but was supposed to leave the hospital and be home by Easter. It wasn’t going to be a 100% recovery, but she’d be home none-the-less.
I got a call on March 30th that she wasn’t doing great, but there was hope of her getting better and there was some conflicting advice from the doctors. So… I decided that the best thing to do was just load up the van start driving on that Friday night, March the 30th.
We drove all Friday night, Saturday and Sunday and we were going to push it all the way through Sunday morning, but my Mom informed me that things were looking better… we can get some rest in Arizona. So, we stopped and rested for a while.
We got to Pasadena on Monday night, April the 2nd. I went straight to the hospital and got to see her. She couldn’t talk, because she was having a hard time breathing, but I shared dog pictures with her and told her of our driving adventure. She loves Meg… and I knew that she would love to see all my crazy dog pictures. She was sitting up and listening, but quickly, we could see that she was getting tired and needed some rest. So, we let her be and all went back to my Mom’s house.
My Mom’s dog, Barkley was there to greet us. Meg was his quiet, yet large, shadow while we were there. I think he liked that power… and the company.
On Tuesday night, they moved Nonee to a convalescent home. We were going back and forth on the idea but decided in-home care would be the best for her… so this setup at the convalescent home was going to be temporary. There was a scuffle, some red tape and paperwork… but we got her settled there. The nurses were fantastic.
In all the shuffle and stress, this tiny little flower caught my attention. There was a pretty large lawn in front of the convalescent home but this was the only flower… I thought she was lovely. I stopped a moment to get a picture.
And this… the happiest painting of an older gentleman I’ve EVER seen… he greeted you when you first entered the hallway to get to Nonee’s room… I love the tree behind him.
When Nonee needed to rest, we walked down to Jones Coffee Roasters to get a latte or twelve… they make the BEST coffee and roast on the premises… and my Uncle got a heart in his latte… which was awesome…
Wednesday rolled around and everyone was exhausted. We stayed most of the day at the convalescent home talking to hospice nurses and visiting with Nonee… who was clearly having more issues breathing. All we really could do was hold her hands and talk to her… she tried to talk to us, but couldn’t. It was heartbreaking. She finally fell asleep at 10 or 11pm. We then all scrambled to prepare for the next morning. The hospital bed and supplies were going to be delivered and we would move Nonee to her home. We could bring Barkley and Meg and get her set up with her favorite movies and be there with her in a comfortable space. Everyone was fairly optimistic.
With a burst of energy, we ran to Nonee’s house, rolled up our sleeves and cleaned out the living room. We got things set up just so, cleared out the clutter and the furniture and felt ready for the 9:00 am hospital bed delivery and then we could bring Nonee home at the end of the day.
We got back to my Mom’s house and the phone rang at 2:10 am. Nonee had passed.
The moon was the brightest I think I had ever seen it that night and it seemed to follow us, face first, on the drive to the convalescent home. We met my Uncle there and we just huddled together on that lawn near the little yellow flower. We cried together… in shock. We all held hands and went in to get her. It was the most surreal experience. It felt so real that it felt “fake”… it was a rollover experience to another world. Difficult. So so difficult.
That week, we had our ups and downs…
A junk food fest…
Some escapism…
The dogs knew something was up and Barkley was sleeping in Meg’s dog bed… which never happens…
Then… we got ready for the get together at my Mom’s scheduled for April 14th. I guess we called it a “Celebration of Life”? My grandma was the opposite of traditional or formal… so, we wanted to keep it as light and as nontraditional as possible.
We served food from Acapulco, her favorite Mexican food restaurant. I think she liked flirting with the waiters more than she liked the food!
We had a TON of sweets… which she would have very much appreciated…
We talked about her spunk, her “sauciness” and her words of wisdom with a hint of “barb” on the ends. The room was filled with people who loved her and they all “got” how she was… funny, no-nonsense… with that edge of hers. She was a strong lady… who had been through a lot… and her life was amazing… never a dull moment with her.
As the guests left, it all sort of sunk in. People were talking about her in the past-tense… but I refused to. I wanted to hold on to the idea that she was still around us. Another very very surreal day.
We put some pictures of her on the mantel for the celebration… gorgeous, isn’t she? ;)
The next day, we got up early to head to Santa Barbara, where we were going to spread her ashes off the coast. Santa Barbara is where she and her two kids (My Mom & Uncle) landed after her divorce from my grandfather. So, there’s a special place for SB in our hearts… it’s where our California roots started to take hold.
Here’s Nutmeg at the harbor… and then on the boat (Meg was allowed to join us, which was awesome!)
We got out to where we were going to spread the ashes. We brought rose petals, champagne and had to have our sea legs on tight because the ocean was very very choppy that day.
We all said a few things about Nonee and then my Mom and Uncle dropped the ashes into the water. My aunt then scattered rose petals and they made an almost perfect circle around the ashes, that were slowly trickling down into the ocean. The water was bright blue-green that day. Very clear and bright. We were slowly circling the circle of rose petals in the boat… the waves were huge and seemed to get bigger. It was difficult to stand upright.
Then, the captain of the ship spotted a humpback whale… then another, then another, then another then another… with a calf! We were surrounded by 6 humpback whales! The boat was listing in circles, there was so much emotion… rose petals bobbing up and down on one side, whale tails, blow hole spouts, more waves… the dog was excited about the whales… there was SO much going on. It’s hard to explain, but… it was such an intense emotional and spiritual experience. Completely overwhelming. Just like her… excitement, beautiful roses, making waves, trying to shock us a bit, showing off… just like her.
We were told that seeing that many humpback whales, especially that close to shore, was incredibly rare. As we made our way back into the harbor to dock, the captain and his first mate were telling everyone “SIX whales out by the green buoy!” The look on the faces of the others told the story… it was something that didn’t happen often.
I was hoping to get a ton of closure from that day, but I think it comes with time. All I know is that I got to see her, she left us quickly and then there were a lot of whales. She loves the ocean… it was perfect.
We left southern California on Wednesday, the 18th. Here’s Barkley, helping us pack the car… (He’s guarding the door… mostly)
We drove up North, then took Highway 80 home… I think I want to live here, with the perfect weather (I think Nonee would approve!)…
Stopped in the Middle of San Francisco, so Meg could stretch her legs…
More of the West Coast Beaches… this is Half Moon Bay.
Then we blinked, and we were in Reno, Nevada. Having to get car repairs, unfortunately… but it was beautiful!
On the road again…
Stopped at Smokin’ Chick’s BBQ in Columbia, Missouri for some Kansas City BBQ…these are “rib tips”. Meaty little blocks of… meat.
Meg got our leftovers…
And then, as luck would have it, as we were driving back through West Virginia on our last day, I realized that our friends were staying in Ohio! So we stopped at their family home to visit with them for a couple of hours. Here is their house, built in 1823, and some of the decor…
We got home at 3am that night… with this waiting for us from our neighbor. I totally cried…
Still in shock. Still don’t know where the last month went. Nothing feels normal, but I’m sure it will again, soon.
