Yes, I am closing the store.
Yes, I’m going to be in a puddle, on the floor the days leading up to closing the doors. I’ve already had some surprise tears hit me for no reason. The way the floor squeaks, a nail that I remember nailing in the wall at an odd angle, the way the store smells… locking the door after a long day and standing back to view a window display I’ve been working on for hours and hours.
I’m not sure how I’m going to do it…
There was this one day in December… something happened. On my 25th day of working almost every day…. I snapped. I had to get out of the store and look at the sky. Sit and sip a latte. Be by myself. I realized at that very moment that I couldn’t do it anymore… it was overwhelming. Normally, a decision has a 1 or 2 year shelf life for me. An idea/change/opportunity is presented to me and I have to sit on it for 12-24 months. With the store, everything was easy. I wanted a store, I wanted to expand. There was no question in my mind that I couldn’t make it work. But on this day in December… I knew that this chapter was over. And it has felt right ever since. A few people have asked if I’ve lost weight… “Yes, about 60 tons!” (How much does a building weigh, anyway?) If you have ever owned a store, you are nodding right now.
As the news spread (fast)… I have been getting the most beautiful emails. Not one has been angry. All… supportive. Sweet, thoughtful and kind words. And even messages on my answering machine! I well up just thinking about it. You get it… you get all the love I put into this space. You get that with the energy I put into all of this… every tiny square inch has been delicately thought out at one time or another. My spirit lives there.
I wouldn’t call this a mid-midlife crisis… but with that change, a flood of change came with it. I eloped last December. Nathan and I have been together 8 years… engaged almost 3… it was time. And it was perfect, in my humble opinion :) The drive-thru wedding chapel in Las Vegas on a Sunday night. Spontaneous, simple… I wore jeans. It felt right, and it was so “us”.
The other huge change is that we are moving to North Carolina. This has been a subject of conversation for over a year now. My cousin is there with her family, two of our best friends are in the area, too… but that wasn’t the reason to go. Two visits, both with me hugely reluctant and pouting like a baby… the first visit left me hating the place. The second one, even with a terrible cold… I could see the beauty and opportunity of the area. Young families everywhere. It’s really clean, safe…. making all sorts of lists as one of the best places to live in the United States. I’m normally freaked out by any little change… so, I had to push those fears aside. For the first time in my life, I’m taking a leap of faith that this will be good for us. If it isn’t, heck… California isn’t going anywhere. I could go on and on about North Carolina, the Durham/Raleigh area more specifically… only because I’ve done SO much research.
I will continue to blog and list on my website. And, I’m really excited to get back into my art. I’ve been talking about a wholesale line forever, I think this finally gives me the opportunity to give it the time it needs.
I hope that you will all keep in touch, and I can receive updates on things happening in La Crescenta :) There is so much I’ll miss about the store, this little city, California… but deep down, I know I’m doing the right thing for me :)
So, here is the postcard I sent out… click on the pictures to see them larger…
I’m going to miss everyone so much! I’ve made so many friends, and many have become quite dear to me… I’m calling this the best learning experience of my life, and best opportunity of my life. Thank you for taking this journey with me, I really couldn’t have done any of it without all of you :)